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Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Breaking the Silence

Breaking the silence? What is meant by that statement? Breaking the silence in dating, in conversation, in class on the first day of school? No, it is referring to learning how to break shyness.

I, being a very shy person, have a difficult time being the first person to talk. This simply being because I do not want to be put on the spot, like most shy people. That, having its negative effects such as: coming off as a mean, boring, or arrogant person. I really do not enjoy the thought that people may believe that I am any of those things. I also do not like to think that people will merely see me as a dreadfully shy girl. So, why? Because, everyone has a reason for what they do and the way that they act. So, I know that maybe no one reads these, but I you did know me, you will know me even better.

Growing up, I lived away from my family. I did not know my mother and I barely knew how my father and siblings were. When i finally learned the truth about where and who I came from, I felt like and outsider immediately. I knew that my family loved me very much, but not being able to live with my direct family really did a number on me.

When my mother (my father's second cousin) passed away, my whole life when downhill. I completely closed myself away from everyone and everything. With no one to talk to and no one to encourage me to talk, I had nothing. I had no friends and I never had the courage to ask people for help, so my grades fell short. All in all life was very lonely and difficult. My days consisted of going to school, going straight to my room, and that just about sums that up. I had no contact with people and I did not attempt to.

Once I transferred from my old school, I started to show signs of wanting friends, but not necessarily knowing how to make them. One of theses reasons being because, I felt like I might make a fool of myself or that no one would like me. The main reason for that was because when I was in the fifth grade a boy named David ridiculed everything about me, as well as other boys that did not really like me. The world is always cruel when you don't really ask for it.

Anyway, people were always into their own trends and friends. I had no basis in which to relate to them. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me. Was there? By the time I reached the eighth grade, people wanted to be my friend because I seem like I was smart. The thing is, I am not "smart", rather I try to put as much effort in the things that I do even if they are daunting. Soon, I learned that they were not real friends. the friends that I did make,however, were very genuine and open to listen, instead of making assumptions.

Though the high school that I went to was pretty terrible, I did make substantial progress. I joined the debate team and made loads of friends and learned more than I ever could in a regular class. I only hoped that......

To be finished later...

2 comments:

  1. Hey Rebecca, Thank you for joining my blog as a follower. i was very interested in all you had to say here. I have four sons and some of the things you share that you struggle with, they have too. All the best that you are was placed in you from the beginning, and believe me, in a few short years you can begin to see all these qualities, appreciate them and grow in your self esteem. And by the way, shyness is adorable! Hey, love the background! Did you paint that?

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  2. Hello "me", thank you for reading and responding; no one really reads what I post. This was a blog for English 101, but I decided to keep it. Well, the type of shyness I have keeps me confined to my work, and thus I never have fun =(. I am trying to talk a little more to people that I work with in the Writing Center at my school. I did not paint the back ground, it is a template here on the site. I liked the colors! I really appreciate your understanding. I just don't think others that are not familiar with my past, understand my reasons for being shy. The few people that I can connect with, I try to maintain a good relationship with. I do hope that your sons can grow past shyness; it takes time. I am sure they will do fantastic!!!

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